The Boat of Fools.
In this, the first of a new series, our "Mystery Worshipper" makes an incognito visit to a church service and reports back.
This week I visited the church of Our Lady of Soho, for one of its final masses under the Very Extraordinary Form.
What was the name of the service? Massykins.
Did anyone welcome you personally? Yes, in fact a little too personally, really. "Ooh, here's a handsome lad, we haven't seen you before. Ooh, I just love that mask, sweetie! Versace, is it?"
The mystery worshipper attempted to blend in discreetly.
Was your pew comfortable? Not really. The pews were covered with soft furnishings, and I was told, "Leave the coverings on, gorgeous, we don't want to scratch those super pews, do we?"
How would you describe the pre-service atmosphere?Very gay.
What were the exact opening words of the service?Hello, super to see you! [And super to see you, too!]
What books did the congregation use during the service?There was a specially printed pink sheet with all the words of the hymns and liturgy, together with advertisements for unusual objects and services, and details of the church's other activities.
Did anything distract you?Yes, the man in the pew behind, who kept nudging me and saying "Everything all right, duckie?"
In a nutshell, what was the sermon about?There was a man named Vincent who cruelly betrayed the gay community simply in order to "gain Rome approval," as St Catherine the Popehater so eloquently expressed it. The woe and suffering of Soho was likened unto the torments of the damned in Hell. Vincent Nichols was a combination of Belshazzar, Judas Iscariot and St Paul - definitely "not one of us."
Vincent Nichols drives the gay community out of Soho.
What happened when you hung around after the service looking lost?Three men offered to take me out for some "pastoral care."
How would you describe the after-service coffee? No coffee, just crème de menthe, and some lovely fairy cakes.
From the service itself.
Next week, the mystery worshipper reports from Blogfen, the church to which only bloggers are admitted.
Pathetic 1970s-style sniggering that perfectly complements the dated gay activism of the Soho Masses. One or tow of the jokes here reveal really vicious prejudice.
ReplyDeleteDamian Thompson
Not wanting to nitpick, but hasn't "and super to see you, too" now been replaced as a response by "and likewise your fabulous self"?
DeleteThanks, bruvver Damian. Your opinions is always welcome.
DeleteVery offensive post. The irony is that there's more dick emery camping about in traditionalist circles and who knows ordinariate circles than at the soho masses. Perhaps nichols is having a laugh driving out one gay community welcoming another?
Deletehmmmmm, I wonder if everyone was paying attention at school when the word "satire" was explained to the classroom ?
DeleteWhy is Vincent Nichols giving a Catholic Church to people who seem more dismayed at the CofE than keen to embrace Roman Catholicism.
ReplyDeleteHe should have given the church to Bishop Williamson: he's also an ex-Anglican without a home and I think a better choice if one wishes to see an end to massed gays in Soho.
Darling eccles, congrats at upsetting those who needed it xx Jess
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jess. I wonder whevver certain peoples takes demselves a little too seriously.
DeleteI for one am upset: as the Ordinariate is not-quite-Anglican and not-quite-Catholic they will probably have gay nuptial masses once Dave has legalised gay marriage.
DeleteFar from being one those who need it, as a reformed traditionalist I crossed the floor to the Novus Ordo precisely in order get away from rabid old queens. I think it is perfectly clear that most catholic queens prefer latin - liturgically at least.
ReplyDeleteI think Daphne Mcleod will have to step up her protest when the ordinariate camp arrive. But every cloud has a silver with sequins i suppose, in the sense that there'll be no danger of her ever being chatted up by a lesbian in dungarees again.
DeleteSuperb!
ReplyDeleteIs that norty Damian Thompson trolling on your blog now, Eccles? If I was you I would ban him, but say that it has nothing to do with you, as you have no editorial control over your blog. :-)
ReplyDeleteI guess Damian don't wanna be saved anymore.
ReplyDeleteI hate it when the heirarchy give away churches to weird, dodgy groups such as the Institute of the Sun King, Bogus Dei and now the whoredinariate. Then again I suppose the parishioners get what they deserve for frequenting a church in a sinful area.
ReplyDeleteCome to think of it there are three catholic churches in soho and only one C of E. Is this to make it convenient for catholics (who are known to be far more sinful than anyone else) to go to confession after illicit sex
As a habituee of Soho pubs and clubs and churches over the years I can say without doubt that there's just as much sin going on as anywhere else, but a lot more charity than can be found in any tridentine mass community.
Since being diagnosed with heart disease, muscular dystrophy amongst other chronic conditions none of my trad friends have shown much kindness, but friendship and kindness have come from quite unexpected sources. soho suffers from an excess of life, but that's better than the life denying misery on offer in traddyland.
It's interesting how experiences differ, isn't it?
DeleteFor example, as an habitué of Preston's pubs and churches over the years I, too, have observed a fair amount of both sin and charity. And many of the most charitable people I have met have been traditional mass-goers.
They tend to sneer less, for a start. I suppose it comes from having been on the receiving end so often.
Furthermore, I think that I know all the members of the ICKSP who have served in Britain. I think they're all admirable men, and I trust them all.
DeleteThat's interesting. I didn't say that all Institute priests were bad people, just that the organisation is weird in my opinion. As for trads and kindness, perhaps it's just more friendly up north. I didn't say all trads were bad, merely that i was disappointed with many of the ones I know. I should try to be a bit more charitable perhaps.
DeleteAs for sneering, in my experience trads are the most sneering, vicious lot going, a bit like muslims with a veneer of christian respectability, but I am obviously basing my opinion on the limited experience I have and so I should be glad that you've had such a different experience. I hope the type i've met are in the minority. God Bless
Delete