We therefore asked a typical girl guide, Gill Slocombe (aged 10), to explain this to us.
One way a girl can be true to herself and develop her beliefs.
Eccles: Gill, do girl guides still do good deeds?
Gill: Ooh, yes, Eccles. For example, I saw a pregnant lady on the bus today.
E: You offered her your seat, then?
G: No, no. I simply helped her off the bus and took her into the local branch of the Family Planning Association. See? I've got my "Family Planning" badge now. I wear it next to my "Faith Awareness" badge.
Faith awareness.
E: Tell me about the "Faith Awareness" badge. Did you get that by attending church?
G: Attending church? What are you, some sort of religious maniac? No, I shopped my local priest to the police - he's a homophobic bigot you know, he told us that marriage was something to do with men and women! They'll be sending him down for 30 years.
E: Oh I see. Now tell me how you are "truly inclusive and relevant to the reality of 21st century Britain."
G: Oh just the usual things. Reading the Guardian, "liking" wind farms on Facebook, shooting my father with a water pistol...
How to be relevant to the reality of 21st century Britain.
E: Yes, well violence is very relevant to society. I'd hate to think that you might have a deprived childhood, and be unable to participate it it.
G: Oh, I do participate, Eccles.
Charles Naasti shows how violence is very relevant to society.
E: Well, you are certainly a model girl guide, Gill. One last badge to finish off?
Film lover.
G: Yes, I got this one for going to the cinema to see The invasion of the sex-crazed lesbian vicars from Croydon. It was either that or The Hobbit, and being a pacifist I really hate Tolkien's violent scenes.
E: Gill Slocombe, thank you for explaining the realities of modern guiding.
No, no, Gill. This is not the time to earn your "arson" badge.
