Banning the cross

I has cut dis artticle out of de Dialy Tellegraph. Singed Eccles (saved).

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The Government reaffirmed today its intention of banning the cross from all aspects of public life, since it is a religious symbol causing terrible offence to atheists (also known as humanists, secularists, rationalists, etc. when they're running scared of the A word). The damaging effects of this CR*SS are so powerful that, as surveys have shown, approximately 80% of atheists are deeply disturbed individuals with only a tenuous grasp of reality.



BANNED from all supermarkets will be the dreadful hot cr*ss bun, a cake known to inspire terror wherever it is seen. A certain Polly T. of London and Tuscany commented, "Eeek! It's one of those religious things! To me it signifies nothing but brain-washing and child abuse. Disgraceful!"



BANNED is the humble plus sign, which resembles a cr*ss. A certain Richard D. of Oxford and Colney Hatch commented, "I never use plus signs. No need - my arguments simply don't add up to anything. BAN THEM! Aaaarggghhhhh!!!"

The Red Cr*ss was tonight said to be reconsidering its position.



Religious leaders have also waded into the debate. A certain Rowan W. of Canterbury and Lambeth made a typically hard-hitting comment. "You know, in a very real sense, I think that we Christians should be only too pleased to discard the more controversial parts of our faith, such as belief in the crucifixion and resurrection. After all, they only jeopardise our chances of a truly meaningful dialogue with other faiths. The time has come to stand up and be counted, and to say in no uncertain terms, 'We wouldn't dream of offending anyone, my dear friends.'"



It seems that from now on, only outlaws and pirates will continue to use the hated symbol of the cr*ss. Said a prominent activist, "Long" John S. of Bristol and Treasure Island, "Aha! Jim Lad! Shiver me timbers!" However, Mr S. will not get everything his own way: this evening a Ban The Cross spokesman commented "He should drop this campaign of his: he really hasn't got a leg to stand on."

Ocult cymbals

I is gonna interupt my account of de plaques dat is inflictin my dere bruvver Bosco, because he have drawn my atention to a new menace... ocult cymbals!

Dey is evrywhere. Look at dis one. I seen it on my computter, perhaps its a virrus sent by Sattan.



Note dat it is full of mysstic cymbalism. It got de cross in the middle of 4 squares. De cross is a blasphemous thing wot leads Cathlics into iddletory, dey kisses it. Note also de XP, dat's Greek, it's de first letters of Christ, Bosco tells me. You sees it in some churches, but dey is blashpeming, takin de name of de Lord in vane. I was told dat dis cymbal means windows. Ha ha, I sez. You cant see frew four colored bits of glass, so dat's reely a cymbal wot means OK buster we is not lettin any lihgt frew, so you aint saved.



Dis one is a Brittish coin. Note dat in de Episstle of Peter, de Devil is describbed as a roarin lion seekin who he may devuor. (So is Anti Moly, but dat aint de point rihgt now.) It just goes to show dat de Brittish is enslaved by Sattanic forces, and even de people in de Royal Mint is servants of de Evil One. Why dey has even put a crown on de lion's head to show dat he is de king. Probbably dey is Cathlics, noboddy else would worhsip a lion.



Finally, dis example is proof dat de Telegrahp is takin us back to de dark ages wiv a caballistic loggo. Bosco explaned dis to me, dat if you looks at it carefully you sees a crecsent, which is de cymbal of Isslam. I fink de T stands for Thopmson. He's a well-known Cathlic (he claims to have joined de Calumny Chappel but I aint so sure now). He aint much better than a demmon, accordin to Bosco.

We has to be on our gaurd, dem ocult cymbals is everywhere!