Are you a cultural Christian?

It's a funny thing, Christianity, isn't it? Many people would say it was something to do with belief in Jesus as the Son of God, who died for our sins and rose again (and there's a whole lot more, on which there is not always universal agreement). But some people call themselves Cultural Christians, so what's that all about, eh?

Culture for Christians (and others).

Here are some test questions to help you decide whether you are Christian, a cultural Christian, or something else entirely.

1. How often do you go to church?
(a) Once a week, maybe more.
(b) Just for christenings, weddings and funerals. But I stand 
there looking superior, and don't join in any of the hymns.
(c) Never. It's a sexist misogynist relic of the dark ages.

And what do YOU do, Mr Welby?

2. How do you celebrate Christmas?
(a) I go to church a lot.
(b) I buy hot cross buns and easter eggs, which for some 
reason are in the shops at that time.
(c) I call it Yule or Winterval and dance naked in the snow. 

It's a pure coincidence that I have a tree in my living-room.

3. What do you think of the Bible?
(a) A book of inspired religious writing.
(b) It was compiled by bronze-age goatherds, who couldn't 
read or write, but it has some memorable quotations in it.
(c) Nasty, homophobic, vicious. I prefer to curl up with 
Bertrand Russell.

"Nowadays we realise that the Bible was written by bigots."

4. How do science and religion fit together?
(a) Pretty well, really: many of our greatest scientists 
have been religious.
(b) Scientists were forced to be religious, and the best 
ones knew it was all a pretence.
(c) All science produced by religious people is suspect.

Newton (being religious) made an error in his theory of gravitation.

5. Why are you reading this blog?
(a) For spiritual nourishment.
(b) It is part of our Christian heritage, even if it is a 
blog full of vicious lies.
(c) I'm not. No way. Give me Das Kapital any day.

When I hear the phrase "Cultural Christian," I reach for my Zuhlsdorf.

If you replied mostly (a), then you are probably some sort of Christian (but not Giles Fraser). If (b), then you are a cultural Christian, and will no doubt spend much of your time insulting real Christians. If (c), then you may be trying a little too hard, Giles.

Brady refuses to resign

A bad-taste special from the Daily Telegraph
 

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Damian Thompson, the celebrated blood-crazed ferret and television critic, today repeated his call for the resignation of the man known to millions as "that bloody swine Brady". There have been repeated allegations that Brady bears the direct responsibility for destroying the lives of a large number of children.

Oh dear. We apologise for incorrectly publishing the above picture of a saintly costume holy man, widely tipped to be the next Pope. Shall we try again? Probably, this is the chap we were talking about.

From his prison cell, the disgraced Cardinal Archbishop of Saddleworth repeated that he had no intention of resigning. "I don't care how much damage my incompetence, wickedness and general power-crazed ambition does to the reputation of the Catholic Church," he said. "After all, I am the Messiah."

Meanwhile, the "Atheist Messiah," Richard Dawkins, issued a statement from his padded cell in Oxford. "All Catholics are perverts, criminals, and nutcases. Why don't they join MY church? All they have to do is to bow down and worship me, and I will give them the kingdoms of the world."