I'm a Catholic and I'm O.K.

Here at last is the song that will offend Obama, Cameron, Hollande, Kenny, ... All of them. If you don't know the tune, you can find it here.

Oh, I'm a Catholic, and I'm okay,
I go to church and I like to pray.

The choir

CHORUS: He's a Catholic, and he's okay,
He goes to church and he likes to pray.

I go to Mass, I genuflect,
I say the Rosary.
On Fridays I go shopping
And eat just fish for tea.

CHOIR: He goes to Mass, he genuflects,
He says the Rosary.
On Fridays he goes shopping
And eats just fish for tea.

Probably a Catholic bird.

CHORUS: He's a Catholic, and he's okay,
He goes to church and he likes to pray.

I go to Mass, confess my sins,
I feel that God is near.
I don't think that abortion
Is such a good idea.

CHOIR: He goes to Mass, confesses sins,
He feels that God is near.
He doesn't think abortion is such a good idea???
WHAT???

A nasty pro-life Catholic fiend. We hates them.

CHORUS: He's a Catholic, and he's okay,
He goes to church and he likes to pray.

I go to Mass, I shun divorce,
I'm definitely pro-life.
I don't think that two men can
Be called "husband and wife".

CHOIR: He goes to Mass, he shuns divorce
He's definitely pro-life??? How dare he?
He doesn't think two men can be called "husband and wife"???
Bigot! Lock him up!

Oh Bevis! And I always thought you were a Tablet Catholic!

Eccles's hair salon

Following the news that Paul Barber has been appointed Director of the Catholic Education Service, we discussed the matter with some unsuccessful candidates for the job.

Monty P. Barber.

"It's clear that there was some mistake in Paul Barber's appointment, and they intended to appoint a totally different barber, one who wouldn't implement a cut in standards. Cuts! Blood! Wounds! Aaagh... After his disastrous behaviour as governor of the Cardinal Vaughan school, this new man's actions are likely to lead to a lot of bad blood with parents. Blood! Sever! Psycho! Aaagh... I'd make a much better director, but now I'm thinking of diversifying into the lumberjack business."

Sweeney Todd.

"I could see at the job interview that things were going badly for me. I somehow thought that in the cut-throat world of Catholic education Vincent Nichols might want someone who was not afraid to murder parents and get them made into pies. He could have appointed me."

Ted Kaczynski, alias Oona Bomber.

"I am a registered 'domestic terrorist,' only too keen to do my bit towards destroying schools and homes. I offered my services to Vincent Nichols, but for some reason I wasn't even shortlisted."

Eccleston Square. Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate!