Eccles befriends two bloggers

I done two good deeds today. De fust one was when I got a call from my freind Sister Fortis, wot lives in Blogfen wiv 23 cats and a few hungry mantillas.

De cat Bergoglio.

Sister Fortis is takin part in de forty hours of adoratoin at Blogfen, where you aint allowed to eat or drink, although you is allowed to write bloggs. She asked me if I could look after her cats while she was adorin.

Sister Fortis, sans mantillas, but wiv some of de cats.

De cats is all named after famuos Cathlics. She got Monsinger Newton, wot used to be an Anteater, but converted to bein a Cat. Dere is also Nichols, a very naughty cat wot never does what he is told. Among de lady cats dere is Pepinster, wot hisses a lot, and scratches de uvver cats - dey gives her tablets to keep her calm. One of de most interestin cats is Zuhlsdorf, wot is known for "kitty kill" - he brings in dead voles and sparrows, also de milkman and a passin liberal priest.

Kitty kill.

Well, I is gonna have a hard time lookin after de cats, but luckily my Anti Moly (who has gone back to Austriala) left some gin behind, and dey seems to be much quieter after I mixed it wiv dere CATFOD meat.

Update: de neighbors is complainin about yowlin noises all de night keepin em awake. I fink it is de cat Inwood, wot aint got any idea of mellody and just wont shut up.

---

De uvver good deed I has been doin in to cheer up my freidn Damain Thopmson, wot has been gettin a bit depressed lately. He has put a washin machine in de music room of Thopmson Towers, so dat he can play Bach while watchin his undies goin round and round (we knows he is a holly man, as he says he sees mystic visions - dis must be wot dey calls a Deus ex machina).

To cheer up my friend Damain I went on de web and ordered a bespoke set of boxer shorts dat he can wear when he goes to Mass.

Put dese is de machine, and you will see visions of holly men.

In fact Damain weren't at all amused, and so I tried out Plan B - invitin round to tea de well-known Stephen Fry wot suffers from uncontrollable bonhomie. Dis means dat he becomes very borin and makes pathetic jokes about Cathlic priests and child abuse. Damain aint reely very fond of Mr Fry, especially when de bonhomie is out of control, and so de party was not a success.

The five moods of J. Stephen Fry.

Bosco in love

Bosco's girlfiend, Camila, wot lives near de cemettery, came round to see us last nihgt. She says she used to be a Cathlic, but den she got bitten by evanggelism. We oferred her a drink and she asked "Does you perchance has any blud?" Dis aint part of our ussual ciusine, but lukcily Anti Moly had a bottle handy, she says dat someone came round while we was out who looked like he mihgt be a Cathlic. I fink it is best to ask no questions here, at least we has got some refreshmeant for Camila. We also offerred Bosco’s beautiful lady a jiucy stake but she was offendded, I dont know why. Bosco adorres her, and everyone sez she is just the sort of person to clam him down a little when he gets wild.

Dis is Camila and a wooden bed she sleeps in, it is a luvvly photo.



After his award from "Pervo Times", Bosco's blogg have gained him another prize, dis time from de Dawkins foundation wot is run by a grate scholar in Oxford who got borred wiv playing with test tubes and took up thoelogy. Although stricly speaking dese peeple is athiests, and so hasnt been saved, dey is very sound when it comes to persecuttin Cathlics, so we regards dem as our bruvvers wiv just a few docktrinal diferrences. De award dis time is a luvly pair of St Boxo shorts, which my dere bruvver plans to ware on his head so dat everryone can see what kind of person he is.



I has been ticked off by Bosco for reveelin dat Damain Thopmson have converted to de Calumny Chappel, as dis is a seccret at present. Damain will continnue writing non-religgious blogs about Joanne Hairy until someone notice dat he is avoiddin de subject of de Cathlic church (frankly, he is scarred dat Cristinna Oddone will find out and beet him up, she’s a tuogh lady).

Bosco aint very popular wiv de Calumny Chappel right now, as he recenttly gave a Bibble class to de under-12s, and de hospital said dey was overworked as a result, viz. 6 broken noses, 8 broken arms, 4 cases of concusion, and one leg bitten off completelly. Well dem kids was nuaghty and Bosco had to disscipline dem nobody could objecct to dat. He told de little boys and girls dat dey would end up in de lake of fire, and dat dey would not be saved. He is a kind bruvver to me, and I can tetsefly dat he only does dese things in order to help peeple.

PS I found dis in de garden under Anti Moly's window, I fink it is someone who aint saved.