Leviticus

This is Chapter 3 in the Eccles Bible project, explaining the Bible in simple terms to an atheist called Richard who is a bit of a beginner at theology. We have seen Genesisand Exodus, and now we need to work out what Leviticus is all about.

It is forbidden to eat vultures, even tinned ones (Leviticus 11:14).

Now, unlike the previous two chapters, which were full of jolly stories about ancient people, with a fair amount of smiting and some miracles too, Leviticus gets us into a bit of a rut. The basic plot is that God gives a lot of instructions to Moses and Aaron about rituals, the priesthood, sacrifices, etc. and Moses and Aaron carry them out.

Now pay attention, Richard. The book is called Leviticus, and refers to the Levites, the tribe from which the priests were drawn. This should give you a clue that most of the rules and regulations written down were not intended for modern Christians to follow - but wait until Christ turns up, and we'll explain this more carefully.

Wel-by, of the tribe of Levi, enjoys a nice ritual.

Some of the advice given is relevant today. For example, Chapters 13 and 14 have some fascinating stuff about how to diagnose leprosy, and what to do if you come across such a case. So you see, these "bronze age goatherds" could easily have got jobs in a modern hospital, and some could even have written books about shellfish genes (which they did not eat, according to Leviticus 11:9-12).

Around Chapter 17 we start to get some moral instruction, and of course this is the bit that so many secular-minded people object to. "Why can't I uncover the nakedness of my father’s sister if I want to?" they ask.

My own (great-)aunt Moly, with a good reason not to try and uncover her nakedness.

We should not forget Leviticus 18:22 (about lying with people of the same sex), because that does tend to upset some people. Although in the New Testament it is made clear that dietary restrictions no longer apply, and you can now eat as many vultures as you want to, it is also made clear that the same-sex prohibition - always far more serious than accidentally eating a vulture lasagne that you thought was beef - still stands.

Actually, Leviticus is at the forefront of equal rights, in many ways. "Thou shalt not curse the deaf, nor put a stumbling block before the blind" (Lev. 19:14) is advice that few would argue with.

Someone round here hasn't been reading Leviticus.

Well, Leviticus was the basis of the Jewish law for many years, but there is a very good reason why it is hardly ever read from in a Christian church service - for us it is mostly of historical interest. Animal sacrifices are no longer expected: we have something far better.

After the service there are coffee and vulture sandwiches in the Sistine Chapel. Trust me, it's OK.

So next week we'll be looking at the book of Numbers, when the Israelites are on the move again...

The Book of St Richard, Chapter 3

Continued from Chapter 2

1. For six long years Richard spake unto the young men of Oxford, telling them the ways of the sloth. Yeah, and he spake unto them also of the ways of the chicken.

2. And the young men said "Thank God that's over! Let us go down to the pub now."

3. But Richard continued his researches into the unknown. He hardened his heart against the humble chicken, and decided to break ground in pastures new.

A humble chicken

4.  And Richard cried out unto the Lord with a woeful heart, saying, "Lord, thou probably dost not exist, but anyway, here I am, an obscure lecturer in zoology. Grant unto me fame and fortune, and perhaps a prettier wife who can operate a Tardis. If not, I shall be stuck here for another thirty years, telling the young men the way of the tortoise."

5. And God spake unto Richard, saying, "Why not write a book? It did wonders for My servant Isaiah, who became a prophet in good standing."

6. And Richard said unto himself, "Clearly there is no god, but my genes are telling me that I should write a book. And I shall call it Richard Dawkins's naughty book of sex."

7. But the wise men at Oxford University Press spake unto Richard saying, "Thou mayst mention sex, if thou wishest, but we prefer a more sober title.

8. So they considered Take off your jeans, I'm feeling selfish, but eventually they shortened it to The Selfish Gene.

9. Although some called it The Shellfish Gene, and others debated whether it should be The Shellfish's Jeans. After which, of course, the world would be Richard's oyster.

Richard Dawkins and Prof. Walrus making jeans for shellfish

10. And the main theme of Richard's book, once he had deleted the passages about the women of the night eating oysters in Paris, was genetics.

11. "Lo!" he said. "I am a worthless being, and I am only here so that my parents' genes may be passed on to the next generation."

12. And many people spake unto Richard, saying "Indeed it is the truth, thou art a worthless being." But, as it happens, he had not yet passed on his genes.

13. And the ancestors of Richard, they who had built up the family fortunes, and owned many slaves in Jamaica, looked down upon him and said, "This is a poor lookout for our genes so far."

Aha, Jim Lad, young Richard is letting down the family traditions

14. Yeah, even Black Henry Dawkins,  he who had owned more than one thousand slaves, looked down (well, up, in his case), and said, "I know not what the youth of today is coming to. Young Richard is writing books when he could be dealing in slaves and passing on our genes."

15. But slowly fame was coming to Richard, although he was not yet quite as famous as the Lord.

16. For he was to fulfil the words of Ecclesiastes: Of making many books there is no end: and much study is an affliction of the flesh. 

Continued in Chapter 4.