I gets upgradded

Sometimes Bosco is a really luvvin bruvver. As you knows if you is a reggular reader, he is 2 years older than me (when I was a new-born baby he toddled into de hopsital to see me, and beat up a skelleton in de doctors office, finking it was a very thin iddle). But now Bosco says dat he is gonna be like Eyesor and Jaccob, and give me de birfright instead of him. Dat means from now on I is de eldest son.

Bosco is very kind to me like dat, and he explaned dat Eyesor was a harey man, and Jaccob a smooth man, and since it is de same in our fambly, maybe I shall be a great patriark wiv lotsa kids. It is true dat Bosco is a harey man, as dis new pitcher of him will reveel.



Dis birfright busniess means dat I will inherrit everyfink when our belloved Mom passes away (unless I goes before her). Also, if anyone asks, I gotta tell dem dat I is de first born and not Bosco.

Well, dis have nuffink to do wiv our present crisis, dat is de plaques dat Jessus is sendin to us. We gotta message on de ansaphon sayin "Nice blogg, Bosco, my son, but de Lake of Fire is waitin for you if you dont save more Cathlics urggently." So Bosco went into Grate-Anti Moly's room and painted her like a clown when she was asleep, dis is what we does in de Calumny Chappel for dem what is saved.



When she woke up she weren't pleased at bein saved, and she started frowin all our lihgtbulbs at de passers-by in de street wiv horenndous shrieks of "Traddy Cathlic sockpoppet!"

De next plaque we got was a plaque of darkness. Dis werent a grate surprise, de smog over Lake Hellsinus is somefink terrible sometimes, I fink its caused by de Cathlic churhc burnin people who owns Bibbles. Of course, we couldnt turn on de lights in de house as all de bulbs had bin frown at Cathlics. Still, Bosco's girlfiend Camila Van Pyre says she prefers de darkness, as she gits burnt easily in de sunlight.

So, dere's only one plaque waitin for us now, and accordin to de book of Exeters dat will be de sluaghter of de first born. Bosco, has you any iddea what dat's all about?

De writin on de wall for Bosco

Well we'd better resumme de story of de mysteriuos writin on de wall. Someone wrote "Bosco, you aint saved" on de dinin room wall. Was it Jessus? Was it Anti Moly? Was it Fr Xavier Pell de Mons of de Cathlic church? Could it have been little bruvver Eccles (dat wuold be a clevver plot twist)?

Well, I started looking for finger prints, blood stanes, and scraps of tobbaco ash, like Sheerlock Homes wuold do. First I fuond Anti Moly sleepin sweetly under de tabble wiv 18 gin bottles. Next, I went to de tiolet, and on de wall I saw lots of interrestin grafitti wiv messages like "Cathlics is all dirty fagots and preverts", but I knew what dat was, it was just de first draft of Bosco's luvvly Christain blogg.

De briliant dettective Eccles was not to be thwatted, and in de end I worked out who it was by a deviuos strattegem, viz sayin out loud "Who dun that, eh?" One of de geusts turned out to be an imposter, he werent from de Lake Hellsinus Calumny Chappel at all, but from our grate rivvals de Lake Hellsapoppin Calvados Chapule. Dis is a scissmattic branch, wot have pervertted de teechins of our grate founder, St Chuck (whose statue we kisses each Sunday). De absurd herresies dey believe includes:

1. You gotta dress up as vampirres, not as clowns, to worsship de Lord.
2. Cathlicks is all dammed, but dey aint as bad as Musslims.
3. When convertin herretics who aint saved, dont use an axe but use a blunt instrumeant.
4. Worshippin iddles is bad, but Sabbaf-brakin is even worse, although you is allowed to do it on a Tuesday.

Dis is Pastor Lugosi of de herretical Calvados Chapule givvin de kiss of peace to a worhsipper. You can tell dey aint saved.



Dis is de way WE in de Calumny Chappel, de really saved ones, does de kiss of peace.



We is plannin a briliant coupp against dem Calvados herretics, just as soon as Bosco's concusion is better. De doctor said dat Bosco should take some tabblets, but I aint sure dat we gave him de the rihgt ones, he gone into de gardden wiv dem and is keeping de neihgbors awake wiv his shoutin.

Bosco is interveiwed

My dere bruvver Bosco is too modest to say dis, but he hav become a celebritty on account of his evangellical activities, viz goin up to old ladies in de street and sayin "You aint saved buster. Gimme some cash." So we was not suprised when de Lake Hellsinere Papper sent round its star jounalist, John Hairy, to interveiw Bosco. Dis Hairy he said "Well I aint much good at talkin to people, has you got any writtings dat I can copy out, Mr Bosco?"

We showed him Bosco's luvvly blogg, and Mr Hairy he said "Er, yes, I gotta go to de men's room quick," and den he ruhsed off to vomitt.
"Was it de pitchers?" asked Bosco. "De one of my girlfiend is a little scary if you hasnt seen mummyfied copses before."
"Nope," said Mr Hairy, "It was de grahpic descriptoin of boddily functions. Even in de days befor dey sakced me from de Indepandant we wasnt allowed to menshun dat sort of stuff ecxept when writin about Ryan Gigs."
I dont fink dis interveiw wiv Bosco will ever get printted.

Meanwhile de Calumny Chappel is suing de Battman people for pinchin our saccred loggo wot we bows down to, cos dey has got one simillar:




Woss more de Battman flims has got a charracter called de Jokker wot is evidenttly based on Pastor Parsell of de Calumny Chappel.



We is gettin a leedin firm of lawyers, viz Cutley, Dastardly and Mutley, to look into dis. It aint rihgt dat de sincere beleifs of people should be mokced (unless dey is Cathlics).