Anti Moly's Memiors

"Has you got any organs, Anti?" I asked my dere Grate-Ant Moly a few days ago.
"Well, we has got an old barrel organ in de attic," she said. "As you know, I was a virtouso performer of de Yakety Sax tune at Methoddist funerals, in my yuonger days. Also I used to take Bosco out into de street to make music, when he was a wee lad."



Dat's Anti Moly and my dere bruvver Bosco givvin a recittal in de street.

"Nope, I don't fink dat's what I meant, Anti," I explaned. "You see dere is a loony in Manchesster wot finks dat Jessus had both male and female organs. Dem's what dey calls hermenuetics. De Pop knows all about it."

Anti Moly told me I was an idoit (dem's creul words, Anti), and went on to reveel dat de time has come to write her memiors, becuase she has lived a very interrestin life, and it is only rihgt dat de humman race shuold be able to read all abuot it. At pressent all she does is reveal little snippets of her autoboigraphy on uvver poeple's blogg, which of cuorse is much more interrestin dan discussin de actaul topic of de blogg.

"But you is very busy, Anti, pickin fights wiv Cathlics 24/7," I said. "Why doesnt you get someone to gohst-write de book?"
"Dat's a good idea, Eccles," said Anti Moly. "I can tell dem de story about how I trekked in de Himalayers lookin for de Dolly Llama, and got mistaken for de Abonimable Snowman. Also de true facts about my romances wiv Hermann Gorring and Cradinal Pell. Den dey can write it up propperly."

Anti is still very cross becuase George Pell refusses to admit dat he ever knew her, but she is tryin to console herself wiv anuvver admirrer, wot comes ruond to drink cammomile tea wiv her (dat's a code word we is now using for cream de menth, cos we doesnt want people to fink she drinks a lot).



We has tried askin St Cuttley, de cellebrated novelist, author of de best-cellar "Thopmson takes charge," to gohst-write Anti's memiors, but he has very pollitely declinned, cos de stresses of copin wiv his fambly is keepin him too busy.

I mentoined to Anti Moly dat dere is a tallented writer wot keeps donkeys on de Costa Blanca (Spane), and wot is very used to writin under false names, but she went into a fit of historics and I had to give her some more cammomile tea - if you knows what I mean (dere is a sutble clue below).



So we is still finkin abuot a gohst-writer. Dere's a cosstume holly man called Peter Mullen wot has retired now, and mihgt be availlable. Or else dere is Damain Thopmson, wot dont seem to be doin very much dese days.

I spose I might try writin up Anti Moly's memiors myself, but I is reely quite busy wiv dis blogg, wot gives spiritaul nuorishment to many poeple who wants to be saved.

I is concluddin today wiv a jolly pitcher of a dove, as authenticatted by Anti Moly de grate orthinologist. I fink it is saying "Ho Ho, you aint saved!"

Where has all de Cathlics gone?

Dat's a photto of Prince Chalres. Anti Moly is very excitted cos he and Camila is comin to Austriala as part of de celebratoins of de Jubillee. "I was hoppin for Prince Phillip, as I fink he's a charmin yuong man," she said, "but Chalres will do instead. Dis is a very thuoghtful man, and maybe he can do somefink about dem possums dat is tormentin me. Dey is keepin me awake all night, jumpin up and down on de roof, so I can't sleep, and I is obligged to stay up bloggin till dawn."

What's more she is frustratted as she cant find any more Cathlics to insullt. Dey has all gone off to an unknown destinnatoin. "Dey're hidin somewhere, I knows it!" she shouts. "Eccles, just check under de bed in case dere is a fannatical traddy clique hidin dere, will you?"

She was very cross wiv me, cos I buoght some banananas from a man in de street. For some reasons she didn't like dem.



"Eccles, hasnt you reallised dat dem's traddy banananas, grown on de Pop's pussonal slave plantatoins, where wommen is explioted, while de missogynist men sits aruond playin cards?" she asked me. I mannaged to run out of de room before she cuold tell me it was woful.

We has had to return little Markus de boy scuot to de orphannage, so dat Anti and me can make an expeditoin to Sidney, but he is feelin very pleased wiv hisself, cos Uncle Dakwins has given him some more badges.

"Dis one is for mentoinin Spinozza on a blogg. I fuoght he was a sort of washin-machine, but Uncle Richard says he is a ratoinalist, like me, which means he is much clevverer dan dem bronze age people wot believed in sky farries," he said. "Next week I is gonna get annuvver badge if I can read a page of Bertram Russell wivvout fallin asleep."



Dat's a pitcher of Spinozza bein ratoinal, he's finkin hard and havvin a meltdown like Anti Moly.

Finally I has got some news of my dere bruvver Bosco. Since he posted on dis blogg sayin dat he was gonna train as a 90th degree freemasson warrlock, his studdies has been goin very well. He tells me dat he is alreddy at de 5th degree, and will soon be reddy to drink de blud of babbies, scarifice vergins, and pioson little old laddies. He has got a schollarship from de Obamma fuondatoin for his studdies - apparently Pressident Obamma is very keen on fings like dat, cos dey annoys de Cathlics.



Dat's Bosco's homework project, dey has to use up some spare parts and make somefink wiv dem. I fink it cuold be a new luv interrest for Anti Moly - frankly, I fink he's more her type dan Cradinal Pell is.