Mystic Dame foretells the future.
Who will take over from Patrick Kelly as Archbishop of Liverpool? Well, my sources tell me that someone to watch here is Bishop Richard Williamson. Now that he has left SSPX, he is surely looking to be reconciled with the Catholic Church, and appointing him to Liverpool would be a magnanimous gesture from Pope Francis. I suppose that this name will be unfamiliar to most readers, but I can exclusively reveal that Cardinal Belgrano is expected to take over from Pope Benedict XVI in July 2013, and this is the papal name he will adopt.
St Francis Drake, founder of the Franciscans.
That just leaves Leeds sede vacante in England, after Arthur Roche was sent off to a job in Rome (which, my sources tell me, recently took over from Avignon as the papal headquarters). Well, here I have kept my ear to the ground, and I can exclusively reveal that Fr Tony Flannery, of County Galway, Ireland, is expected to be rewarded with promotion for his consistent pro-life stance.
Out go Arthur's cinnabons, and in comes Tony's potato cake!
But it's not all diocesan appointments in the Catholic Church. A very senior English Catholic - not Vincent Nichols - admitted to me recently that he had taken steps to drive out the Papal Nuncio, Antonio Mennini. He was naturally reluctant to explain how he proposed to do this, but I have been able to work it out for myself. Look at Mennini's photo, below.
Archbishop Mennini - showing signs of polonium poisoning.
Can it be a coincidence that large quantities of polonium have been delivered by lorry to a bishop's residence somewhere in the south of England? I think not.
So suppose that Mennini quits. Who will take his place? Could it be time to give Hans Küng a say in the running of the Church?
Hans is already trying on the traditional Nuncio's hat.
Finally, I foresee that the Catholic Church's teaching on homosexuality is about to evolve. I think the slogan "TWO SEXES GOOD, ONE SEX BAD" will be changed to "TWO SEXES GOOD, ONE SEX BETTER" when we're not looking. A trivial modification, you may say, but I feel that if it happens some people will notice!
Darling eccles, dis predictin stuff is catching. Mystic Jess predicts that she, you and a man with the initials GRSS will be banned from de Dame's blogg (note spelling) for ruining its mediocrity xx Jess
ReplyDeleteWas you banned too, Jess? I has been banned several times but I is currently present wiv a sockpoppet.
DeleteI was. But maybe like the Sickport Stalker, they thought I was a rabit - he told them often enough, and given the Dame's accuracy rating, he prolly believed it. Wot fools :) xx Jess
DeletePhil has retired to a cave for the night. I predict a story about the Missing Link on Breakfast TV.
DeleteHe turns up on mine from time to time half-cut babbling of rabits - what a loser! Xx Jess
DeleteI'm still awaiting a ban - it's been quite slow so far and I have only a few deleted comments to show for my efforts.
DeleteMickyRoss has his own personal troll which is impressive but I can't be assed to stay around long enough to work out if said troll is one of the mob.
Thompson's journalese continues to go from bad to worse.
The picture of Kung kind of startled me. Is that horse's ass still running around?
ReplyDeleteI predict that a nice blonde lady will tweet something witty about the Dame, and then get monstered for her trouble, by an unholy alliance of menopausal school support staff, the Bishop of Corby, and any passing socialist or gay vicar that happens to stroll by.
ReplyDeleteDear Sir,
DeleteAs a deaconhead in goodstanding I take that as a gross slur.
I expect to have a gross slur award at the diocesan deaconhead dinner.
Or at least a cuddly bunny.
(Falls under table, pissed.)
Sorry about that.
Archbishop Nichols
So (as you are clearly en passant) are you the socialist or the gay vicar?
ReplyDeleteI have it on excellent authority (not much of that left in Rome these days) that Jamie Carragher retired from playing for Liverpool FC in order to assume the Archbishopric of Liverpool.
ReplyDeleteHis contributions on ITV during Euro 2012 were intellectually coherent and I fear he will become an outsider at the CBCEW.
DeleteMany of our current bishops and presbyters prefer lipsticks to mystics. Also, the new potato cake is about to replace the gluten filled communion bread used at NO performances in most NO "Pastoral Zones".
ReplyDeleteEccles, my friend Mystic Dame asked me to pass on the following:
ReplyDeleteI will not be lectured to you by you Bruvver Eccles.
Anyway I was very clear in my predictions, normal Camelot lottery procedures is that the winner will have bought a ticket.
Incidentally my very good sources in Australia tell me that an old woman advised you to stop tweeting. Is there any truth in this?
You ridiculous skonky woman - how dare you even breathe, let alone have an opinion. I know that you left the house this morning to buy a large bar of Fruit and Nut for £2 on special offer, You never offered any to me (middle aged lady in Foster Grants and an anorak) or my friend in the comedy biretta, hiding under the picnic rug in the Ford Fiesta on the double yellow line outside Budgens. Have you no shame? I will be writing to social services about the fact you took peanuts within five hundred yards of a toddler in a stroller near the zebra crossing. Resign immediately from Catholic Voices, and make way for properly trained freelance liturgists with an encyclopaedic knowledge of Rahner and Sillybeest (Tone - is that how you spell it). Ooh - I'm feeling all flushed - better have a lay down and a packet of licorice allsorts before my old man gets back.
ReplyDeleteAll screencapped in the vestry.
ReplyDelete*clutches pearls and has a fit of the vapours*
I see a tall dark hairdresser ...
ReplyDeleteI see a short, balding one morphing into Elton John xx Jess
DeleteHave I just stumbled into a game of Mornington Crescent?
ReplyDelete