Eccles is hacked.

I was sittin at de computter yesterday, planning de next bit of spiritaul nuorishment for my long-sufferin readers, viz. an in-depth analysis of de book 1 Kings for de Eccles Bibble project, when I noticed dat de pitchers on my blogg was all disappearin.

Wot is left when your pitchers has gone.

In de words of de Tridentine Mass Cui Bono? wot means "As a benefit to whom?" (Or, in de translatoin done by Mgr Bassil Loftus in the 1960s, "Whose is dem bones?" - I fink he was referrin to Ezekiel 37.)

So we has to look at all de usual suspects.

"Well, if you've all got alibis, we must look elsewhere..."

Reely, the fust on my list of suspects should be my dere Bruvver Bosco, wot is a saved pusson like me. He and I aint never seen eye-to-eye, which is odd as I often just echoes what he is sayin. However, Bosco aint got de technical know-how to hack a saved pusson's blogg: he once spent three weeks unable to logg on to his own blogg cos de CAPS LOCK key was on. He cuoldn't phone de technical support cos he mistook de TV channel changer for a mobile phone.

So it aint Bosco. Nor Anti Moly, whose laptopp aint workin since she threw it at Mgr X. Pell De Mons, de local Cathlic priest.

Bosco shares in his little bruvver's sorrows.

Could it be our dere friend Damain Thopmson, alias Captain Custard? A careless reeder of dis blogg might say dat he was bein mocked occasoinally; more careful reeders knows dat he is learnin a lot from my blogg, and his own little blogg is soundin more and more like a paroddy of mine.

Archbishop Nichols points de finger, but I fink he is wrong.

De fertile mind of Eccles thought a bit more about people who might not apprecaite his writins. Could dear old Richard Dakwins be exasperated by de Eccles Bibble Project, which is forcin him to read a book of de Bibble every week after havvin had it explaned to him by an expert? We is comin up to Sollomon, what was a wise (and slightly saved) pusson - maybe de Professor is scared dat he may be reveeled as not bein very wise himself?

Eccles, come clean now - is it wise to cut babies in half, or not?

Well de list of suspects is long, as dere is many wot doesnt luv poor Eccles. We can rule out Basil Loftus, Giles Fraser, and de staff of de Tablet, as dey aint viscous pussons, dey is kind and luvvin, even if dey is wrong on most fings.

Well, my fust break was when I found a biretta lying round de house. Can it be a clue?

Wot can dis mean?

To be continued...

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For dem wot cares, I is gonna repare de most recent blosts, and de most poppular, but de rest is gonna be like de Bibble, and have no pitchers.

Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity. Eccles. 1:2.

Bosco in hopsital

Well, we left our heroes (Bosco and Eccles) lyin in de street outside de local Cathlic churhc, havin been ejjected by de nunns of St Rambo. Dis was simply for tryin to save dem herettics by singin "Bite me, O Thou great Redeemer" durin de Mass. I landed on my head and was not grately injurred, but Bosco he broke lotsa bones, and was taken off to de Generral Hopsital.

I forgot to mention dat Bosco he put up a good fihgt before he was overpowered, as you can see by dis pitcher of de Cathlic churhc after he finished wiv it. It susstained a little structarul dammage.



On Bosco's bed at the hopsital there were various signs. "NIL BY MOUTH. DO NOT RESUCSITATE. WARNING, DIS PATTIENT HAV BITTEN 3 NURSES ALREADY."

Bosco was sittin up in bed readin de "Hummanist Timmes" when Anti Moly and I came in to vissit, barin gifts like de three Maggies. Anti Moly handed over an empty bottle of gin, sayin dat she was sorry but she got thirtsy on de way, and I bruoght him a lovely shirt dat he can wear when Jessus comes, so dat he dont forgit dat Bosco is saved.



"Wossat 'Humorist Times' paper, Bosco?" I asked. "Have it got cartoons? I likes MickyMoss and Donald Duckham, dey always makes me luagh wiv dere commical antix."
"Nope," said Bosco. "It got lotsa fine artickles about de Pop, and how he is repsonsible for de massacre of de innocents cos at de time he was in Herrod's Army. Joanne Hairy says dat he has interveiwed Herrod and he is now ready to reveal de truth. De time for a cover up is over."
"Is de writers saved?" I asked. "Dat's very important, innit?"
"Well, it don't say," replied Bosco, "but dey aint Cathlics, and dat's de most important fing. Dis paper's very good, too, dey're my kind of poeple."
He showed me a copy of "Jihad and Jihadmen", it had a pitcher of a bearded man wiv a hook on de cover. I fought it was Captain Hook, who is in de Peter Pan story dat we has in de Calumny Chappel on Sundays, but dey said he was called Abbo de Hamster.
"What else you got to read, Bosco?" I asked.
"Well, dere's a Gudgeon Bibble here," replied Bosco. "Dat's very good, it's de original King James version, exackly as God wrote it. Afterwards, de Pop transslated it into Greek and Lattin, and made lotsa delliberate errors, cos he didnt want poeple to be saved. For exxample, dere aint no 10 Commandmeants in de Cathlic Bibble."

Bosco turned to anuvver maggazine, and when he saw it he screemed dat Sattan was tormentin him. Dis is de cover.



Den Bosco openned de magazine and saw a pitcher of a nunn makin a cemment iddle, and dat finnished him off. If he hadnt been wearin banddages and straped to de bed, I fink he'd have broken up de hopsital ward.

Dis is de foul fiend dat leads poeple into iddleterry, shockin innit dat dey can pubblish such filth.



I hopes you gits well soon, Bosco.