A warnin to de unsaved

I has been committin a grave sin, Bosco says, as I has been spendin too much time tellin you about de storry of my life (de world tuor, de raid on de Cathlic riches, Farver Arfur's exercisms of Anti Moly etc.). We has gotta spend more time finkin about your Salivation, dere reader, cos you has only come here becos you wants to be as saved as Bosco and me.

In de immorttal words of Bosco, if your huose is on fire den we gotta wake you up and tell you. And if you doesnt know Jessus pussonally, den your huose will be on fire, cos we is gonna set it on fire. (Has I got dis sutble thoelogical point rihgt, Bosco? Cuold you explane it again some time?)

Here is a pitcher of Bosco commin to de aid of some poeple wot has got a huose on fire. De kid wot is drivin lent us de fire engin, so we let her drive. In fact she drives much better dan Bosco, who allways speeds up when he sees nuns crossin de road ahead, who can blame him?



Cosstume hollymen is anuvver obstackle to being saved, and I fuond some more of dese dreddful creechers in a TV dockumentery called All Gas and Gators, dey is worshippin someone called Saint Ogg. I was told dat dey isnt Cathlics, but dey is clearly not saved. Note dat in de photto it aint de Bibble dey is readin, probabbly it is a relick of St Ogg, which de guy in de top hat is gonna kiss. Dat's not de way saved poeple like Bosco and me behaves.



Finally, we gotta warn you about a Woman wiv de Gold Cup wot appears in de Book of Relevation, and definitley aint saved. I managed to find a pitcher of dis wicked pusson, so Bosco and me knows our ennemy. We has contactted a dettective agenncy to see if dey can track her down, den we can save her.

Costume holly men

Bosco have been gettin very excitin about dem wicked Cathlics, especially costume holly men wiv gold cupps, like dis one. We in de Calumny Chappel knows dat we has found Jessus, we has even saved him a space in de car park, but we doesnt need no gold cupps.



And here's annuver costume holly man. I thuoght at first it was Bosco teechin in de Calumny Chappel Sunday School, but he explaned to me dat it is a Cathlic preist called Abrahham dicsiplining his kid who did somefink wicked like readin de Bibble. Well you gotta be firm wiv kids.



In de Calumny Chappel we doesnt have costume holly men, we has passtors. I fought dat was like spahgettis, but Bosco explaned dat it means shehperds. Now dat may seem like blassphemy, cos Jessus is de sheperd, not Pastor Noodle. So perhaps we had better go back to calling dem fathers instead, most of them got lots of kids and not many has got sheep.

Still, bein a shehperd suonds like more fun dan bein a father. In de Bibble dey sits in de fields and every so often an Angle comes along and says "Ullo, shehperds. Has you been saved?"



Anyways, Bosco is off to Seel Beech again soon, wiv me and Anti Moly. My bruvver have got a new job in de retale trade, he is wot dey call a fast-food magnet like Mr Wallmat and Mr Macdonnald (for Brittish readers, dis is like Lord Assda, or King Burger who is de prettender to a thron somewhere, maybe it's Germmany).



Bosco's job is to stand in de street, but he gotta keep his mouf shut, poeple who wants an ice-creem doesnt like it if you says "Git lost bruvver, no ice-creem for you, you aint saved." Still, Bosco is only doin it for dere own good, dey gonna needs lots of ice-creem if dey ends up in de Lake of Fire.

Conservations in hopsital

Well, floods of messagges for Bosco has bin commin in from well-wishers. Indeed, de Calumny Chappel had a collection for a pressent for him, and raised 35 cents and ten rossary beads as a token of de respeck dey has for him. Here is my big bruvver manfully bearin up in de face of de wuonds inflicted on him by de nunns.



Well Bosco is bein kept under seddation, and in de hopsital dey is asked not to mention de followin prhases, which sets him off:

* Cathlics.
* De Pop.
* Cemment iddles.
* Bosco's scarlet and purple pajamas.
* Gold cups.
* Gravven images.
* St Mary.
* St Peter.
* Love de neihgbour.
* Well, anything at all religious, reely.

Bosco have become very dificult to talk to, because he aint very well. When I starts a conservation he dont listen, but just reeches for his iPadd and starts downloadin wise words from the Internett in responsse. For example.

Eccles: De Telegrahp wants de stateu of St Cristina back dat you won as a prize, Bosco, dey sez dey sent de wrong one, dat one was kissed by Damain Thopmson, and have been pinin for him ever since, I'll git it wraped up and sent off when I gits home.

Bosco (reading): We can reveel dat World War II was started by Pop Pious 12, cos he wanted to send his tanks into Russia, after Stallin had taken over his drugg business. At de same time in Enggland Carddinal Hinsley sent a hit squad to Irreland to murder de poet W.B. Yates.

Eccles: Dat's nice, Bosco. Anti Moly's got aressted for screemin in a graveyard at midnihgt, even thuogh it's part of her job. Some of de corppses fought it was de Last Trumpp and started poppin up. De cops releesed her, but dey told her to give up de gin and said dat sherry mihgt be better at her age.

Bosco (reading): We can recognisse de Anti Christ cos in de Bibble it is prediccted dat he will come from Germanny and have de initials JR. He will later adopt a false name beginnin with B and go and live in Rome, he will wear a fishy hat and someone will giv him a pair of red shoes. When he appears rememmber to put on cleen underware as de battle of Armagibbon will be startin.

Eccles: Foine, dat's foine, Bosco. Damain Thopmson sez dat Proffesor Tina Beattie is gonna lecher on Lummen Genttium in a catheddral, woss Lummen Genttium Bosco is it some sort of French perfumme?

Bosco (readin): It wasnt until 2008 dat de Cathlic church stopped burnin poeple who didnt buy a cement iddle to put in dere huose to worshipp. It is a scientiffic fact dat de averagge hieght of de humman race has gone down since 1992, when de Cathlic church stopped stretchin poeple on de rack. Stepphen Fry says dat he was origginally only about 5 feet tall but he was torchered on de rack as a young man because he owned a Bibble and now he is 6 feet 5 inches tall.

Eccles: Oh I gives up.

I would ask my bruvver Bosco's advise on dis pitcher of an iddle but he is indispossed at pressent.



Perrhaps he will soon be abble to take his rihgtful place in soceity agin.