Bosco is mocked

My dere bruvver Bosco is bein annoyed by nasty Cathlics playin silly pracktical jokes at present. If you is doin any of de followin, cuold you please stop?

1. Some people is phonin Bosco and askin him: "Hello, Bosco, does you follow de Labm?" When my bruvver Bosco replies, "Yup, I sure does," dey shouts "BAAAAAAA!" at him. Dis confusses poor Bosco as he finks it is Jessus telephonnin him, and he rushes out lookin for sheep to follow. Dis aint de rihgt one, I is farely sure.



2. Some uvver bad poeple has contacted de local iddle companny and ordered 200 cemment doves to be delivvered to our huose. Aldough dese are de saccred animals of de Calumny Chappel, wot we likes to kiss, Bosco could not cope wiv de spiritaul overlaod of havvin to kiss 200 of dem.



3. We has had enquirries about de phottos on Bosco's luvvly blogg of poeple dressed up as costume holly men, kissin each uvver, which is WRONG but dat's what Cathlic preists does all de time.

Somebody asked Bosco to put dis photto on his blogg, to show dat we got de same probblem in de Calumny Chappel, but dat's not de point, is it?



4. We is allways waitin for de Rapture, when Jessus is gonna call his flock (Bosco and Eccles) home, and sepparate dem from de goats (which is everryone else, especailly Anti Moly). It aint helpin much dat somoene phonned us up and said "Bosco, de Rapture is happenin right now. Go and jump in de lake, and you will be snatched up to Heaven." Bosco went off at once to do de Lord's will, but we is beginnin to susspect dat it was a haox.



Bosco is you goin to be in dat lake a long time? We gonna have dinner soon.

Illness in de fambly

My Grate-Anti Moly is sufferin badly from Roflitis. As I has mentoined before, she gits dese spamsms when she can do nuffin but cakcle and roll on de floor. Sometimes it even happens in de street, when she is on her way to de gin shop.



Here is a sample diallog dat we has.

Bosco: Anti Moly, Hunny, I has to point out to you dat you aint saved, and dat your stateu of de celebritty blogger Cutley is a cement iddle. Whats wuss, he is a Cathlic and destinned for de Lake of Fire.
Anti Moly: Rofl!
Eccles: My dere bruvver Bosco is rihgt, Anti. You is a lost sheep wot Jessus wants to save. Dey say he's very good wiv bad-temppered sheep and dem sheep what drinks too much. Anti, I finks dat gittin saved mihgt be a wise move.
Anti Moly: Rofl! Rofl!
Eccles: Bosco my dere, I gonna sing a Calumy Chappel hynm to our dere Anti.

We is brihgt and beuatiful,
Our preechers dey is wise,
God says we is wonderful
And goin to de skies.

Each little nun you beat up,
Each little concrete dove,
Dey shows we's gonna meet up
Wiv rapture all above.

Chorrus (We is brihgt and beuatiful).

We don't care if we sins now,
Cos dey is all forgaved.
We does just what we likes now,
Because we all is saved.

Chorrus (We is brihgt and beuatiful).

Anti Moly: Rofl! Rofl! Rofl!
Bosco: Shut up Eccles, or does I mean Hilda? My head is achin again.

Anyways, Anti Moly is currently havin a rest cure in St Hysteria's hopsital for de danggerously silly, and we hopes dat dey will be able to cope wiv her. She started by frowin de encephologrom apparattus out of de winder, but now dey straped her down and is tryin to cure de Roflitis.



It aint all bad news. Bosco has stopped sleepin in a box, and avoiddin de daylihgt, so perhaps he is gettin over de shock of bein bitten by Camila. He is still pinnin for de fat acktress called Hildda tho. He discovvered dat she gotta duaghter and he wants to take dirty phottos of her for his own blogg. Dat's very rude Bosco, and I cant fink of many saved poeple who puts dirty phottos on dere bloggs.

Bosco's feast

De cellebrations of Bosco's birfday continnues, dis is like de Lords feast dat we is invited to as we is savved, and Bosco says we gotta practice by eatin a lot.

As you may know, Bosco is obssesed by a dame called Hilda, and he gits very confussed and says dat it is me sometimes. So I fuoght I would help him wiv dis probblem. Since we aint far from Holywood, I mannaged to book an acttress to come along and say she was de leggendry Hilda wot Bosco is seekin. Dis acttress is a very big girl.

Bosco invitted her out to de resteruant, where de sing says "Be greedy, eat what you wants for $17. Disscount if you is saved."

Dis was what Bosco ate:

Pasta Dave.
Leftover stew, made with food dat's been saved.
"Cement" doves wiv gravy in image.
St Peter's rock cakes.
Donuts a la Damain Thopmson.
Chocolate Boscoits in a lake of fire.

De actress Hilda had a meal which makes me fink she aint saved. It was suet puddin dumplins deep fried puddins frenchfries whole roast pig wiv an apple in de mouf whole roast sperm whale wiv a shark in its mouf six fried hippopotamuses and (dis is de healthy opttion) a lettice leaf.

She's a big girl and no mistake, and Bosco put a pitcher of her on his blogg, sayin dat she was his girlfiend. I fink Camila gonna be very cross when she knows about dis.

We got Bosco a new costtume for goin to de Calumny Chappel, it is to disguisse de fact dat he have put on a lot of weihgt.



I gonna finnish wiv a happy pitcher of Anti Moly walking her new dogg. We aint got a name for it yet. When she calls it she screems "Sockpoppet", but den she screems dat at everyone.

Bosco's birfday pressent

It was Bosco's birfday, and now dat de banddages was off Bosco was able to enjoy it to de full. I had saved up my monney and buoght Bosco a lovely religuos arttifact, viz a stattue of St Peter for de gardden. Bosco he was not very pleased by dis, he said it was an iddle and he knokced de head off.

Here is Bosco's birfday pressent after he got cross wiv it.



"Dat stuppid Eccles he aint never got de hang of iddles," he said. "He finks de saccred dove of de Callumny Chappel dat we bows down to is an iddle, and he dont recognise a real blashpemy when he sees it. He aint gonna be saved liked me."

Dem's creul words Bosco, and what's more he still seems to think I is called Hilda, dats crazzy. We was gonna frow de stattue out, but Grate-Anti Moly said she mihgt have a use for it, and she got a scluptor to make a new head to her own dessign.



"Dat's luvvly," she said. "You can see dat he is a pius saintly wise pusson, not like dem traddie Cathlics."

She sez it is de cellebrity blogger Cuttley. What's more he have written a best-sellin commic novell and will be visitin Lost Angels soon to sing coppies of it. But Bosco sez he aint saved.

Savin de doctor

We had de doctor ruond to see Anti Moly as she had an attack of roflitis, dats a serious illness she gets when she hears a joke and mannages to undderstand it (which frankly aint very often). She luaghs hysterically and cant stop rollin round de floor.

Here is a happy pitcher of Anti Moly luaghin fit to bust.



Well my bruvver Bosco is very concsientiuos, even when he is badly wuounded he don't forgit to save people. He discovvered dat de doctor was a Cathlic, and in spite of his bandagged state he managed to have a profuond thoelogical debate wiv him.



Bosco he told de doctor, "You see, we is gonna sit at de Lord’s feast, while many that finks demselves chosen shall be cast into outer darkness. If you is saved you is gonna wear a white robe and a golden crown in de New Jerussalem, and even poor dubm Eccles will be castin down his golden crown by de River of de Water of Life. I bin wuonded by dem viscious nuns, but I is soon gonna be born agin in a new body. Allaluia!"

De doctor has promissed to buy a cemment dove and put it on his wall to bow to, like we does in de Calumny Chappel.

He dont seem to be able to cure Anti Moly's roflitis, but he says she could git a dog as a comppanion an dis may help. De pet shopp have got a luvvly doggie dat mihgt be siutable for soemone of Anti Moly's temperamment. Dey say it is called Cerberrus but if we buys it, Anti finks it maybe needs to have 3 names as it got 3 heads (she was finkin of Micky, Rutzi and Rofls).



De other news is dat my bruvver is gonna be able to take off de banddages tommorow, de Lord sure is good at healin his chossen ones like Bosco.