Off to Seel Beech

Bosco, Anti Moly and I has decammped to Seel Beech for 2 weeks. Frankly we was gittin a little unpoppular in de nieghborhood, and we decidded to lie low for a while. Dis have givven me de opportunnity to make some sand scluptures of my luved ones dat poeple can come and kiss if dey wants to.

De fust one I did was of Bosco wiv a chane saw as he goes out to convert some Cathlics (a lotta poeple at Seel Beech aint saved, and we has gotta keep doin de Lords will, or on de Day of Jugdement dere will be only Bosco and me in de winning teem).



Den I deccided to do a sclupture of my beluvved Anti Moly, wiv a cat dat she picked up somewhere. Nobody seems to want to kiss dis one.



We has also discovvered an interrestin tobm. I dont fink it can be any rellation of Anti Moly's, but it sure is mysterrious. Does it mean dat she is giulty of an imperssonation? Dat's what sockpoppets does, but I thuoght my anti was above such things.



Well, I will send more bulettins from Seel Beech when time permitts. I is workin on my scluptures (perhapps I will do one of Damain Thopmson next), Bosco is savin poeple, and Anti Moly is takkin de oportunity to catchup on her rollin aruound on de beech.

Oh, and now a word from de sponssor.

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DOES YOU SUFFER FROM EXTREEM PRESURE?

WE GOT DE SOLLUTION.



RECCOMENDED BY ANTI MOLY. HELPS YOU AVOID FITS AND SIEZURES.

Dat sockpoppet relligion

My grate-anti Moly says dat sockpoppetry is a Cathlic fing, and so Bosco sent me to a Cathlic mass to see if dat was reely the case.

So I went incoggnito to de church of de Sacrred Socks of St Micheal. I was met by a saintly pollite courtoeus man who gave me a hynm book, and said he was a laywer who worked for de internattional firm of Cutley, Butley and Mutley. He asked me a strange quetsion, viz, "How manny poeple is you gonna be todday?" Dat's odd. Usaully when we goes into de Calumny Chappel dey asks a much simpler quetsion, viz, "Is you saved, bruvver?"

I went into de churhc, and de service was given by a costume holly man who said he was de Bishopp of Bennidrom. He startted de Mass, although he went off to de vesttry after a while, probbably to kiss an iddle. Dis is a pitcher of de Bishopp of Bennidrom.



Later on I remmember a disgustin old lady takin de collecttion, carryin a broom stick wiv which she kept hittin poeple. She was wearin a pointy hat and looked just like my Anti Moly. Anuvver person I spotted in de church was bein a bit of a trubble-maker, frankly. When one of de costume holly men said "Lift up your hearts," he said "No I won't. ROFL." Then when de preist said "The Mass is ended, go in peace," de man said "No it isn't. No I won't. Twist and Shout."

To my astonnishment at the end of de Mass I realissed dat de laywer, de bishopp, de old lady and de trubble-maker was all de same person. In fact, thinkin about it I now realises dat nearly everryone in de churhc had bin goin out and comin in in different disgiuses (dere was annuvver one who dressed up as Stallin, den he came back wavin a cricket batt, dat confussed me, as we doesnt have dem in de Calumny Chappel, if we needs to chasstise kids we uses baseball bats).

Dey explaned it to me dat since God is 3 pussons (de Trinnity), de Cathlics fink dat dey shuold also be 3 pussons as well. My Anti is certianly wanted by de cops in Enggland, Austriala and de USA under de names of Judy, Alfie and Moly, so I asked her if she was plannin to become a Cathlic. Now I got her flase teef embedded in my leg, dat probbably means no.

I luvs my dere Anti so here is a new photto of her.

Bite Jessus Bite

Todday at de Calumy Chappel we had one of Bosco's favorite hynms.

Lord we's saved and we's goin bitin,
It's de folk who aint saved dat we's fihgtin,
Jessus bite on de world, bite now wiv us,
Help us bite wiv de the teef dat You bring us,
Bite wiv me. Bite wiv me.

Bite Jessus Bite,
In dis land make dem boddies gory.
Blaze Spirrit blaze,
Set deir churhc on fire.
Flow rivver flow,
Drown dem all in de dirty water.
Send forth Your teef
Lord and let's have a BITE.



Dis is a stattue dat we is puttin up outside de Calumny Chappel, it symbollises Jessus de Way, de Toof and de Bite. De two guys in front is iddles of saints dat was dellivered by misstake, we is gonna have to git rid of dem.

De manny fans of Bosco has been askin to see a photto of de place where he spends many happy huors bloggin, and a freind of ours droped in and took it for us.



I aint got time for fambly news now, jist an advert to finnish off.

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DOES YOUR OLD FOLKS CUASE A LOT OF FRICCTION?

WE HAS GOT DE ANSER TO ABBRASIVE RELLATIVES!



PUT IT IN DE OLD GIRLS COCO AND SHE WILL SLEEP LIKE A BABBY.

Savin de sole of Peter

Bosco is indeed loved by de Lord. You will recall dat he won a stattue in a compettition, but in de end it got sent back, and he was waitin for a repplacement prize.

Today de new prize arrived. It aint a whole stattue, just de foot of one. It was too big for de house, so we stuck it in de gardden.



Dere was a labbel attached to it, "St Peter". Dis is one of dem Cathlic saints dat we in de Calumny Chappel aint too happy about, but Bosco finks we might be able to save him if we makes an effort and prays for his sole. So we is gonna kiss de foot every day as part of our devottions. We knows it annoys de Pop, so dat's a bonnus.

Our daley warship also includs bowin down to de Calumny Chappel Dove, prayin for Anti Moly to recover her sensses - Fridday is her reggular meltdown day and we aint gonna git much sleep tonihgt - and shoutin "YOU AINT SAVED" at de kids goin to de muvvers-and-toddlers gruop, sure dey bursts into tears but de Moms knows we is doin it in de Lord's name.

Bosco aint doin to well wiv his thoelogical ressearch right now. What he usually does is type somethin into Goggle e.g. "Cathlics is all pigs" or "Cathlics is all rappists" and cut and paste de ressults into Damain Thopmson's blogg. Sometimes he misstypes, and so readers is rather nonnplused to get an article on Cathodes - Bosco used dat to explane dat, when dere aint nuffin good on de tellevision, de Pop likes tyin ellectrodes to poeple and den switchin on de current - and anuvver one on Catterick - which is an army campp, and Bosco used dat to prove dat the Pop likes shootin poeple wot owns Bibbles.

Still nobody reads Bosco's posts in detale, so a few little errors aint gonna be notticed.

My bruvver still aint mannaged to get a proper hallo and wings to wear in de street to show to poeple dat he is saved. Dis is what he is gonna wear to a job interveiw wiv de local unddertakers (more detales next time, perrhaps).



De two hallos you is carryin is good Bosco, but saved poeple doesnt normally wear a lake of fire on de head, and I fink you has been sent rings not wings, did you misstype de order? Bosco's typin aint all that good, which is odd as I aint nevver had any probblems.

Well, we gotta do an advert, so here goes.

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FOR DE CATHLIC WOT LIKES SOCKPOPPETS

GIT YOUSSELF A BOSCO IDDLE



WHY NOT GIVVIM A BIG KISS?

Free massons

Bosco fuond some interrestin articles about free massons todday, and de Calumny Chappel asked him to give a letcher on de subject. Dis is an honour dat dey gives to grate shcolars wot is able to edducate themsselves by using Wikkipedia and Goggle. (Bosco never got a Unniversity degree. He studdied Anattomy at UCLA in de evenings, but he had to stop dat when dey put curtians on de girls winders.)

He told us dat de Pop is a free masson dats how he got to be Pop cos lots of de carddinals wot voted for him is also free massons. When dey goes into de conclav to ellect a Pop dey has to roll up dere trouser legs (apparrently dese costtume holly men wears trousis under dere cossacks, we knows someone who looked frew de winder of de changin room), and dey got a funny handshake which dey calls de blessin.

De Calumny Chappel is very impressed by Bosco's letchers, cos dey gonna save lots of poeple. Dey has already put up a posster advertisin de next one he's gonna give.



Bosco he aint so impressed by dis, and he finks dat dey shuold use dis posster, which shows dat he is a powerfful figger able to take on nuns single-handed.



We is findin it hard to make ends meet rihgt now, so I gotta put in two more adverts.

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BUY BOSCO SYRRUP!



EVERRYONE KNOWS DAT BOSCO IS THICK AND RICH.

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EVEN LITTLE PHOLAS CAN BE SAVED.



Is your doggie Gayy or Lebsian? De Calumny Chappel, in assocciation wiv de BLT poeple, has got a Calumny Chappel Dove Cossack, for de doggie wot needs savin.

Sorry, Anti Moly, dis is SEX, but Bosco said it was OK, cos it's only doggies.

Bad day for Bosco

Well Bosco had a bad day. As I explaned he was gonna get himself a hallo and wings, so dat poeple in de street would nottice him and say "Dis man is saved." His first attempt at dressin like an angle weren't very sucessful, but he was certtainly notissed. We gotta try another shop, Bosco, dere is somefink sutbly wrong wiv your costtume, I rekcons.



Den he got into trubble for tryin to set fire to a shop dat was sellin iddles. De spiritaul juorney of a saved pusson aint always easy, Bosco my dere.



Bosco is very cross dat de Pop has been to Maddrid. "Why does dey let him go to World Youf Day when he's 84?" he asked me. "Dat's nearly as old as Anti Moly! It just shows dat dem Cathlics cant get any yuong poeple to go."
My thoery is dat de Pop is there to sell his books, cos he writes a lot of dem, and also to conficsate any Bibbles dat he finds, as Cathlics aint allowed to read de Bibble like we does.

Brakin news: Anti Moly has been releesed from St Hysteria's hopsital, even thuogh she's still cakcling uncontrolably. Here is a photto of her on her way home to her loved ones (Bosco and Eccles).



Finally, dis blogg is now gettin some sponssorship and so I gotta put adverts on it occassionally.

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IS YOUR SOLE DIRTY? DEN USE CALUMNY CHAPPEL SOPE TO WASH YORE SINS AWAY.

WE GAURANTEES YOU IS SAVED, OR ELSE YOU GITS YOUR MONNEY BACK.

ALSO GOOD FOR CLEENIN STATTUES AND GRAVVEN IMAGGES.

Bosco is trully saved

Bosco, my dear bruvver, I has taken a pitcher of your girlfiend's duaghter dat you can put on your luvvly blogg wiv all de pitchers of Pops kissin each uvver and nasty relicks. She's a luvvly girl aint she, so I fink I'll put a photto on my blogg too, althuogh when dey lets her out of de funny farm hopsital Anti Moly will say it is SEX.



Well, enuogh of dese romatick fings. De good news is dat Bosco is trully saved, as de Lord sent an angle down to see him and tell him. She droped in today, and I took her photto standin next to Bosco. I fink dat my bruvver was feelin a little inseccure about bein saved, so it is good to get reasurance directly from Jessus.



Bosco he have reackted very well to dis visit from the angle, he sang a little song sayin dat his sole mangified de Lord, but I didnt write it down. Bosco have decidded dat it is time he let his lihgt shine on de world. Dat means, he will save more poeple if dey can see him comin, and know dat he is one of Gods ellect. So Bosco have decided to git hold of a hallo and some wings, dat he can wear when walkin down de street.

Meanhwile Bosco, I is very concerrned as I has fuond dis iddle of St Pancrass. I knows it is St Pancrass, as I got it from Goggle, which Anti Moly assures me is de fuont of all wissdom, appart from your blogg, that is.